I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
