She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
