A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
