New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
smell my finger.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
