we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Buhtt sex?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
