She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
