Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
