I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
