So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
