Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
