Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
