She is in my trunk
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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