It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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