Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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