haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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