You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
