Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
