What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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