...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
