My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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