Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Four minutes until I can fart!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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