no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
