oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
are you so shy because you have an std?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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