if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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