it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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