oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
