someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
