guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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