so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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