I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
