Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
