The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
