Moan for me like Helen Keller
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
