she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
