I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
