Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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