What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
