Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
