im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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