I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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