guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
