Dual....:-)
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
