dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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