just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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