Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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