Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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