I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
