Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
