I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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