If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
