someone threw a dead crab at me
i would punch a child for taco bell
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
