Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
