I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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