the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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